• AnxietyDefinition

Dear No One.

Do you ever wonder what the thing you want most in this life is? I do—all of the time. Do you ever wonder if fairy tales can be real? I do—all of the time. Do you wonder if there is such a thing as fate? Or that when you meet someone, you will just know? I do, all of the time.

I know what I want in life. What I don't know is if it is wrong to want it. I know who I am. I know I'm a great mother and a kind person. These past two years, I found a strength I didn't even know I had. I've worked through my past and my present.. and all I keep thinking about is my future.. I will own my own home. I will finish my degree.....I know I don't need a man for the goals I am going to achieve. But that doesn't stop me from wanting one…

I want someone to pick me up by my waist and watch their cheeks smile as their soft lips touch mine. I want someone to come up behind me and grab me and spin me around when I'm doing the dishes. I want someone to wake up spontaneously and plan an adventure for our day ahead. Let's go on boats, and planes, and go-carts and explore life one little adventure at a time. Let's pack a picnic and go hiking and laugh until our stomach can't take it anymore. Pack the kids in the car and drive for hours, not even knowing where we are going. Does that stuff happen? Are you out there? Can you please brush my hair over my face with your soft fingers, and wipe the tears from my eyes as you hold my cheeks in your hands. Can you look at me deep in my eyes while I stare back like no matter what happened in this life, nothing could break what we have? Can we take stupid photos at the photo booth, and post lovey-dovey images online. Can we bike ride, and run along the beach. Can you show my daughter what it's like to have a man in our life, one that she can look up to. can you not be afraid to tell me you love me and show the whole world that I am yours. Can I love you? Can I think about you at work? Can I hear about your day? Can I lay in bed with you and stare into your eyes and let all of the anxiety fade away. Can I trust you? Can you be mine? Can you understand me? Can you study me? Can we hold hands and skip in public, can we just stop to kiss in the middle of a fight, can you hold me when I'm being stupid and pushing you away, can you put my mind at rest when I overthink, can you handle at me at my worst? Will you let me be my self? Can I be loud? Can I be dramatic at times? Can I stand at the top of a hill and yell into the open without embarrassing you? I have a past, and that past is dark. Am I allowed to advocate for something I believe is wrong without being a hypocrite? Because you understand right.. that we grow and who I am now isn't who I was back then? Will you look past how my family sees me? Will you truly see deep into my heart. I have so much love to give. Where are you? Am I ready for you? Are you ready for me? Are you even real? Do I even deserve you? I believe everything happens for a reason, so, to my future someone.. When you are ready, I will be here.. just living my life one beautiful day at time. I would like to think that when we meet, we will know. See you soon. xox

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